When I decided to complete the 10-week DBT program at the LMU on ward B3, I must admit that I was full of uncertainty and doubts - which was also due to the fact that I had only completed the CBASP therapy approach in a program the year before - behavior and problem behavior even worsened in the short term.
But after years of struggling with my emotions, harmful behaviors, and maintaining a facade to the outside world, I wanted to give it another try - with the goal of finally understanding myself better and addressing at least some of my problems - also supported by the hope that my outpatient therapist in DBT had, whom I trust completely and whose opinion I value above all else.
Brief digression: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) was originally developed by Marsha M. Linehan and is primarily aimed at people with borderline personality disorder . DBT combines behavioral therapy techniques with mindfulness-based methods and aims to regulate emotional instability and impulsive behavior. A central component of DBT is learning so-called "skills," i.e. skills that are intended to help replace inappropriate behavior with more functional ones . DBT consists of several modules, including mindfulness, stress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal skills.
What immediately surprised me was the relatively short waiting time. I had often heard that you have to wait months for a place in DBT therapy. In my case, it was only about four weeks, which probably had something to do with the fact that as a man I was able to get a place in a men's room, while the waiting list for women was much longer. In other words, once again I was luckier than I perhaps deserved.
The preliminary discussions gave me a feeling of understanding and support right from the start. The team on ward B3 at the LMU was friendly throughout and, above all, non-judgmental. It felt as if everyone there was really keen to help the patients in their individual situation - without making hasty judgements. You immediately sense why there are only a few DBT patients in treatment at the same time: the nurses, therapists and doctors invest a lot of time and energy in personal care, which made a big difference for me.
The therapy program itself is intensive. Two individual therapies per week, numerous occupational therapies, exercise therapy, mindfulness training and of course the DBT group therapies - all of this requires a stable foundation and the willingness to really get involved in the therapy. Occupational therapy in particular was an exciting part of the program for me. Unlike what you might expect from classic occupational therapy, here it was often a space in which we worked together as a group on projects. For example, we created an overview of DBT that could serve as a guide for future patients.
The main goal of the program was to identify and analyze problematic behaviors and find ways to stop them. These behaviors are of course individual - for some it's self-harming, for others it might be risky behaviors like speeding. Or both. What surprised me wasn't necessarily the amount of effort we had to put into logging our daily tensions, diary cards or behavioral analyses. What impressed me more was that each of these documents was actually discussed with the team. Nothing was overlooked and the team checked in regularly to make sure all relevant topics were addressed.
Unfortunately, I didn't manage to complete the entire 10-week program. The stable basis that I spoke of at the beginning became less and less present over time, which not only pushed me but also the team at B3 to their limits. The disappointment in myself and the world shaped the time after my inpatient stay. Nevertheless, I still take a lot away from this time. My problematic behavior hasn't disappeared, but it has improved significantly.
I was particularly moved by the encounters with the other patients. It was fascinating to see how different we all were, and yet there were always these bonding moments. We laughed together, joked about our difficulties, but also talked seriously with each other. This atmosphere, this feeling of community and understanding, is something you rarely find.
What I have learned above all is that I am a master at avoiding emotional situations such as arguments and small conflicts and also at suppressing emotions. I often do not allow myself to feel sadness in particular, but hide it behind a secondary emotion - anger, which is usually directed at myself. This awareness has helped me to take the first small steps. Even though these successes still seem tiny and I find it difficult to be overly positive, I still believe that the DBT program can be really helpful in the long term. Especially the program at LMU, which showed me that I am not alone on this path.
For me, the journey is hopefully not over yet, but it has taken an important step forward. And I am grateful for that, even if I was not always able to show that to the team on site at the end. And I wish I had not just gone along with all the therapies and done everything twice or three times to meet my own expectations, but felt more and allowed more changes. But hopefully time will bring that!
